Shortly after WWII, the surviving superpowers began salivating over how to rule the entire world. The United States and Western Europe formed the First World, and developed a monetary system in which people were free to fight each other over the pursuit of happiness. The financially astute could acquire opulent wealth and the rest could just go eat dust. Although it was officially called “capitalism,” it didn’t sound too good, so they changed it to “The Free World…” even though it was quite expensive. To manifest their dream, the wettest capitalist jowls began gobbling up corporations, newspapers and politicians.

Russia and Eastern Europe formed the Second World and wanted people to struggle for the common good of their community. Those who could spout the best altruistic diatribe could become wealthy, and the rest must survive on whatever leftover scraps were dished out. Ideally, the system would have been named “Community-ism,” but the opponents changed it to “The Communist Block” to make it sound icky and ominous. To manifest their dream, the wettest communist jowls began a massive slaughter of their opponents within their countries.

Neither side had the courage, the intelligence, the honesty or the decency to seek peaceful solutions to their differences. So they isolated themselves with moronic metaphors like the “Iron Curtain,” “Godless Communists” and “Capitalist Pigs.” They produced vast amounts of heinous weapons – enough to destroy the entire planet thousands of times over – all at the expense of their respective populations, but for the financial benefit of the sniveling snots who had the audacity to call themselves “leaders.”

Most smaller nations could see through the nonsense and only wanted to be left alone. But the mega morons began relentless, elaborate scams and destructive, debilitating wars to suck them into their systems. To make their victims sound inferior, they labeled them “The Third World,” even though they comprised 70% of the planet’s population.

The spitting and snarling between communist and capitalist lasted for several decades. But finally, a communist demagogue with a funny red mark on his forehead told a capitalist demagogue with Alzheimer’s disease, “I’m gonna fix your ass! I’m gonna give up! You’ll no longer be able to screw your people by pretending to defend them from me.”

The capitalist with Alzheimer’s responded by going on worldwide TV and telling the communist to “tear down the wall,” a ritual the communist had already planned. The argument over who actually ended the cold war remains as spitty and snarly as the conflict itself.

Today, the first and second worlds have joined together to form a globalized market to take over the entire planet by lying to everyone about everything. “Buy this and you’ll be fine,” rants the 30%, then goes on to feverishly gobble up 90% or the world’s resources. The remaining 70% must eke out a meager living from whatever slim pickings are left. But what the mega marketing morons don’t understand is that minimizing consumption can be every bit as enjoyable as maximizing… if not more. So how do the majority of the poor people in The Third World manage to survive against these odds? Simple. By loving life instead of stuff.

Come join the party!

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